Thursday, June 28, 2012

About Rain... About Us...

I loved her. The man who has held me in the rain that came with the departure of a flock of birds from the trees Flamboyant church, a place where me and Pandu shelter now. Shelter in the shade of a tree can not promise Flamboyant wardrobe and clothes stay dry Pandu, the rush of the increasingly heavy rain managed to slip in among the green leaves form a compound tightly managed wet suits and T-shirt and blue long pants color tosca mini mine. I felt the warm embrace of the increasingly close Pandu, made me a little hard to breathe. Slowly I began to take off his arms and leaned against the changing position of a Scout's burly shoulders.


My eyes moved to pay attention to mothers and children across the street, not far from where I was and Pandu now. From a distance looks right hand fingers of the hand she was clutching a small child I thought 6-year-old with red and white uniform in body still attached. Rona woman's face can not lie, how he was so tired. Part of the robe that he wore too, were convinced that he had long been under a rainbow umbrella clutched in his left hand. I think the boy did not come home for hours, to make her worry.


Two hours passed, no sign of rain would subside. I turned back to the Scout, his hands still busy pressing his hand-held mobile phone keypad. Perhaps it is sending an important message, may also just want to look busy in the rain who knows when to stop down or maybe he was embarrassed waiting for the rain to stop.


"Until when are we going to take shelter here?" I asked trying to break the ice is getting quiet. This body too, has failed to fight the cold rain.
"Until the rain subsides." He said, with hands still busy pressing his white cell phone keypad.


"I think it's rain did not subside."


"I also think so."


"We'd better go home. I'm getting tired of waiting for this rain to go. "


"Are you sure you are ready to fight with the rain?"


"Sure."


Pandu was silent again. Inserting a handphone in his pocket some moisture. Passed from the front and turn on his Ninja motorcycle engine. I immediately go up, without waiting for the signal coming out of his mouth. Fight with the rain, through the ins and outs of the town of Bogor. The farther left the flamboyant. But increasingly strong rain followed our steps.


I'm one of ombrophobia or phobia of rain. There are a thousand reasons why I was so scared when confronted with the rain. Only when I am with Pandu, I felt I could control the rain. For me it is raining Pandu.


Waveguides are used menelfonku late at night, just to see if I was asleep. Waveguides that could not deal with egg noodles and chicken, which he suffered because of allergies. Waveguides that always comfort me when it rains with funny stories that I think it's not funny. And Pandu, the man who is very kucinta.


Four years together, and so far we can always reduce the conflict that sometimes come without being invited. Jealousy and longing is a big hammer that I often carry us to the endless misunderstandings and quarrels. But it will not last long, a day is enough to restore a smile on my face and Pandu. We are unobstructed distance, but distance never prevents the bond of love between us. The distance is only able to separate our bodies, but our hearts were always close.


.........


I still do not believe that now he is gone. I still think there is. Because he was there and always will be. Yes, there are on every night in my dreams, in dreams and imagination, there is at every step of the increasingly fragile, and always in conversation with God.


Hit me that he was long gone ..
"Do not be afraid of the rain, ndah. When rain falls remember how we, remember how I was. Because if the next rains come, I'm no longer at your side. "Pandu open discussion among the night's stars through mobile phones. Me and Pandu was used like this, because it eliminates distance longing to talk to each other via mobile phones when everyone was asleep.


"Why? What is wrong with me? "This time the voice softly unable to get rid of all my desire.


"There's nothing wrong with you or our relationship. Only time and the circumstances that forced me to leave you. "


"Should, ndu?"


"Sorry, ndah ..."



 
"If so, I can not do much. I can not hold you to go. Although I must admit I still love you. But never mind, maybe this is the best way for our lives. "My voice was a hoarse choking back tears who had been to fall.



 
"Stay strong and live life serealitas maybe even without me. I'm sure you can, ndah. Here though far my prayers will always be with you. "


"Will you forget me, ndu?"


"Four years is not a short time ndah. I could not forget that. "


"So, what you'll find my successor?"


"Maybe. I can not promise to remain faithful to keep our former love. "


"Before she came, may I ask one thing?"


"Sure .."


"Can we meet for the last time?"


"Last time? We can still see, though I have belonged to someone else. "


"No ndu. When one day you have been owned by someone else, please do not come see me again. Do not give me much hope. "


"It's late at night. I must break you too. "I said: then and immediately press the red keypad in handphoneku without waiting for a reply from Pandu. I can not afford to continue this conversation. My heart is sick and may die.


Chance of darkness still covered the city of Bogor and maybe a few moments of rain will follow an increasingly burst into tears since two hours ago I closed the telephone of Pandu. The wind was blowing quite strong in January and will soon be gone, replaced by water droplets. I do not believe in the light of the moon up there, I'm not sure on the glowing star in the night gulitanya. I never believed they were able to resist the fury of heaven and the coming of rain today. Like me who never believed in my side went without Pandu.


There's nothing else left for me, but I carried wounds that will run to run.
.........


Pandu woman's hand tightly, such as would not let go. Long-haired woman loose curls neatly. I was so amazed to see a floral mini dress and a fitted orange cardigan falls in exquisite body. He is not bad for a woman standing next to a painter handal.Harusnya me. No. I think it is more appropriate.


I never knew before, that seen with a woman I would not hurt this. More pain than when he ignored me because I was busy with the world of painting that he wrestled since two years ago. More pain than the pain of missing far away as joint first. More pain than the pain when he decided to end his relationship with me.


But I can not do much, other than watching their romance from the corner of the marble-floored room somehow feels so hot. He has not healed the wound scratch since 49 days ago decided to end this relationship, I can not understand why this woman as fast as it comes to shift my position in the hearts of Pandu.


Lord, for this time I really can not afford ..
I stood still, when it rains again flushed the city of Bogor. It seems I have gotten used to the rain, until there was nothing to fear me. Because every raindrop that falls are my memories with Pandu. The rain that brings Scout to me, though now the rain was able to bring it back Pandu. The rain is me and Pandu.


My legs were signaled to walk out through the crowd of rain. Passing away of the painting exhibition visitors ever make my heart to overflowing.


I'm back in the rain and this time without Pandu ...












I requested a piece of the Lord
God ..
May this day I ask thee again?
Can I continue to miss him?
Can I still hope that he come back?
Can I continue to keep memories of debris that may have been he throw?
May I still love her till later?


I never asked him to come back, God.
But if you let me, can I have it once again.
For today only, give me an hour
I just feel tired of holding this desire.
I promise, it will take him back after he told her.


What are you afraid I'll make him fall in love with me again?
That will not happen, believe me ..
I will not take anything from him, because there's nothing that I can take it
I'm not going to change things, would he have let her
I promise. I promise ..
You believe me, God?
Please let me have it once again
Again, for the last time ..





    
Survived by poignant and melancholy heart, I guess I can not ..

    
There is still hope in a million souls, the hope that he returns, he hopes to fill a void in the heart.

    
Stupid does, expect a man who never miss me, even to remember who I am ..

    
But to simply remove his name in my memory, was so difficult.

    
Especially if I have to exhaust all about love, all the memories, all about me and him earlier.
    
Perhaps this body and soul to be separate, then I really can forget about him ..








A letter to Pandu ..


How are you, love?
I was so sure you'll be fine, although I'm no longer at your side.
Are you worried about? I'm fine, love. Really. I still have a smile as sweet as when we are together. And I'm no longer afraid of the rain. I have gotten used to all this. Accustomed to the hearts of the increasingly gaping wound. Although sometimes I forget, that now you're not "love" me anymore. I lie awake at midnight, to check whether there handphoneku missed call from you or stepping out of the house when it rains, hope you're standing there. But again I forgot that you were now gone. Really gone.
Miss you! That's for sure. But you need not worry, I will not disturb your life. Do I let you be happy to have her. I will remain here, waiting for you in a false, letting the flavors continue to be volatile despite kurelakan my heart hurt. You need not ignore this desire, which swelled increasingly erratic. Simply you smiled at me and show me that you're okay. I have been sincere, very sincere merelakanmu even go with him, though not able to wounded hearts kupingkiri that are inflamed. But never mind, this is the path God has for us ...
To just you know Pandu. I'm leaving soon, very, very much. Untouched until a grain of dust. So if one day you meet someone who looks like me. Remember it's not me, not beautiful. Because after this I will kill and let die Beautiful. It is not better? Instead I let the tears dry up.


Check with the rain, then you'll find out. . .
January 31, 2012


Creation : Imroatul Fithriyah

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